Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Does Anon Deliver?

As a result of an event I was ejected from (in under 30 seconds... can you say ‘guilt by association’ boys and girls?) I wasn’t able to be part of a discussion over anonymous avatars. (=_=)

Well, Bleagh! I guess I can say what I want here. Instead of offering and accepting feedback, I'll just get on my soapbox and lecture on the subject. Sound fun? Here I go! XD

To start... About 5 people know “me” in SL. Meaning, they’ve seen my real life picture and/or have heard me on voice or have even seen the Youtube video I tossed a link to. One of them knows my first name. Beyond that, I’m rather anonymous. I like it that way. When faced with questions, I have a few easy answers I like to give. =^-^=

· How old are you? – I’m “old enough”. =^-^=

· Where are you from? – I live under a giant cookie jar in a park filled with teddy bears and strawberries. (^_^)

Even my non-RP avatar has a story. As I get closer to people I do give out more details, but, only after I believe they care. Sometimes I say things too soon and it freaks people out. But, meh, I can deal with that. (^_^)

What’s so good about being anonymous? Honestly, I don’t know. I guess, because people know me for who I am in real life, I have something to lose here. Any facet of my personality that deviates from ‘common decency’, ‘social norms’, or ‘the will of the mob’ is potential cause for the destruction of my life and liberty. And, everything crosses someone’s line. This is where anonymity comes in. (^_^)

I’ve said many times that my avatar is my me that’s more “me” than I can be, myself. Well, it’s true. In real life I’m 6-feet tall, 220-pounds, and considerably unattractive. Surely, not the kind of person you’d want to be walking on the same side of the street with. That would be fine, if my personality were a hulking thug. But it’s not. (=_=)

Instead, deep inside, I’m a bubbly, giggly, hyper, and considerably childish brat. I’m the kind of person that could run up to a stranger, bite them in the kneecap or torment them with a raspberry or a “nyaa~nyaa~” and run off just as randomly. I have a wisecrack comment for just about everything and my brain is usually working overtime trying to find ways to screw up a perfectly civil conversation without angering anyone. (^_^)

But... Well... I just can’t get away with stuff like that in the frame I was forced into by fate. (T_T)

If I were to behave that way in real life, I’d probably be subject to harassment, people getting really freaked out, being ostracized, and maybe even arrested. Mostly I’m at risk because such behavior is very unusual for someone of my physical makeup. Heck... I see people who behave like that all the time and it’s rather depressing to know that I can’t be like them. I have too much to lose if I were to ever attempt it. (>_<)

But, in SL, I don’t have to be a giant. I can be the cute little scamp I visualize myself to be. And, nobody has to know me. The actions committed by my avatar are an extension of my real “me” and are unhindered by the concept of any real life repercussions that may come as a result of them. In a flight of fancy I can do, be, see, and make myself whatever I want to be. Most of the red tape has been cut. I’m able to be “me” among all without the real life depiction of myself getting in the way. (^_^)

Am I happier because of it? Sure. There’s a good reason why I set aside 3 to 4 hours a day with my fingers tap-tap-tapping away at my noisy Das Keyboard in my darkroom. Being anonymous has allowed me to be me in ways I could have never imagined possible. Allowing my personality to mesh with the virtual has allowed me the freedom from fear of retribution over my actions. I’m able to make and break myself with what are basically non-destructive characterizations of my self. Contrary to what my spell checker says, I did mean to put “my self” instead of “myself”. XD

In the non-anonymous real life world I exist in, my self is a removed entity from what my true nature is in order to address what I have to lose due to my place in society. In the anonymous virtual world I exist in, I see the real me. If that 4th wall were to ever break down, I’m afraid I may break with it. Being “me” is an experience I enjoy greatly and fear losing. All I can do is hope this lasts. (^_^)y

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