Tuesday, February 23, 2010

I'm blogging from a prim. =^-^=

Yes... A prim in Second Life is displaying the page that I'm typing into just as interactively as a generally good browser. It's updating in real time and the perspective angle is making me a bit dizzy. (O.o)

Just posting this 'cuz I can. =^-^=

Friday, February 19, 2010

A Response To: "Mainstream" Faculty and Virtual Worlds

In a Strange Land: Some Thoughts About "Mainstream" Faculty and Virtual Worlds

Reading this article... It makes me wonder about something... I'm double posting my comment here just because I find it interesting. =^-^=

The conclusion I'm seeing: Educators are choosing to avoid using the Second Life virtual world as a platform due to the complexity of the interface. You're citing examples such as the 'Advanced' menu and scripting.

This sparks a question to me. Why do you think you have to go at it on your own?

So you can't script. This is true for many computer users. Yet, we run applications all day, every day, which were written by other people. The same market can and does exist in SL. Surely, it's not as corporate and 'professional' as Microsoft. But, if you can't script a slide-show projector; there is probably one available or you can contract a scriptor to make one for you. Building falls under this category, as well.

Also... The Advanced menu? Is there anything in there that's genuinely necessary? For regular day-to-day usage, I see nothing in the Advanced menu that serves a purpose. I would not weigh that feature in with any of the aspects of the learning curve of SL.

So, yes, there is a steep learning curve. But, I see that it's there because people are diving in head-first, reading a sliver of documentation, and expecting it to naturally just work without any experienced consultation.

I would compare this to hosting my own Email server. I simply don't know how. I've never set up an SMTP/POP server before. I don't know how to register a domain name. I'm not sure if I can gather up the hardware to build a computer I'd be willing to leave on 24/7 with suitable enough stability to manage any impending Email traffic.

So... What do I do? I find someone who knows how. In my personal life, I found Google's Email service to be quite nice. Professionally, I have an IT department hired to build, manage, and maintain a whole slew of online services. All I have to do is pay them to get it right and come to them with I'm faced with a problem.

SL is a bit deceptive this way. It's an Information Technology like any other, but, our mindsets think it's something far more natural. As a result, we unconsciously don't expect the process to by anything like adopting a technology.

I see a job description coming from this... Someone who has adapted to 'life' in a virtual world, knows the ins&outs, and can be relied upon on a professional basis to support productive use of the space. Just like the garage nerds of the 1980s... A new generation of marginalized nerd. The world doesn't see them yet, but, they're here now. Eventually, they'll come out of the woodwork, people will regret not investing in them sooner, and technological/cultural history will repeat itself all over again. (^_^)y

Saturday, February 13, 2010

"Face" redux...

I've had a conversation with my closest friend yesterday... In varying degrees. Both inworld and out. It sounds like the bulk ignore was her idea. She's a bit worried that I took the issue to the forums. She considers just about everything I do out here as some sort of self abuse. (>_<)

To me, the forums are the places I go to talk to people when there's nobody else to talk to. Given time zones and other peoples' busy lives, I turn here often. (._.)

She's very disappointed that I'm asking people to do the thinking for me... Moreso that I'm using people that don't all like me. She's worried that I'll focus on the negative messages and use them to further reinforce my "anti self" point of view. (>_<)

[2010/02/12 6:08] ** **: You need to learn not to over analyze your happiness
[2010/02/12 6:08] ** **: Otherwise you make things all crumbly

She has demanded that I request friendship from everyone again and gave me a few names to add on top of that. For the ones I've known to go online, I think they've all accepted. Still, I need to work out how to behave. (T_T)

It may be nice to have a collection of names on a friends list, but, how do I be a friend? I really don't know what part of spending time around me is a positive experience, so, the value of having me around is lost on me. It's this thinking that usually drives me to a panic. (>_<)

So, what I think I've done now is hit the 'reset' button on things. I'm afraid we'll enter another calm before another storm which will eventually lead to the same outcome all over again...

[2010/02/12 6:09] Imnotgoing Sideways: How does this stop?
[2010/02/12 6:10] Imnotgoing Sideways: How can i stop?
[2010/02/12 6:11] ** **: It's hard to say Immy
[2010/02/12 6:13] ** **: You need to believe in yourself a little more you know
[2010/02/12 6:13] Imnotgoing Sideways: That's extremely difficult.
[2010/02/12 6:14] ** **: Modesty is all due and well but you should recognize as ** put it somewhat, you're quite loved by the community
[2010/02/12 6:15] Imnotgoing Sideways: Why do I feel like it's unearned?
[2010/02/12 6:15] ** **: Because you're a bit like me
[2010/02/12 6:15] ** **: anything you do that others seem as "special" to you just feels "normal"

Anyway. Here I am. Loaded friends list again and working on re-working my profile again. I thank you all for the feedback. Please continue to say what's on your mind if you wish and forgive me for being so bold and obtuse about my stupid little drama. (T_T)

For me, right now, counseling is not an option. I'm sure the time, money, and insurance is there. I'm just not willing to take my life down the path of "professional intervention". Call me stupid for saying so. That's just where my mind is set. Excuse me for being hard headed. (>_<)

I'm still in a state of panic at this point. I don't know how to approach, act, behave, or present myself to people right now. I'm still over-analyzing my place in the scheme of things. I'm working this out. I'm trying. I want to be a friend to my friends. (._.)

Thursday, February 11, 2010

'A face only a mother could love' syndrome

It’s an old saying. “He/she has a face only a mother could love.” That is to say, the person is ugly, plain and simple. But, what does this say about the mother? Being a mother, she loves unconditionally. The ugly child is her child and hers alone. So, mother will sacrifice everything in order to love her child. Even if it means raising a person that looks like undercooked pizza. (>_<)

What am I talking about? I think I’m making an example of my friendships. (T_T)

I have a group of friends. People I’ve known for about two years. While everyone else has come and gone, they’ve stuck around. Here’s the part I’ve never understood, though... Why? (>_<)

Anyone who has seen me inworld or on the forums sees that I have all the charm of a badger with a lit firecracker up its butt. I’ve never been exceptionally creative or smart in any way. I’m very self-centered, normally forgetting things like rez days and even names. I rarely if not never give anything away. I never give gifts. Holiday or not. (>_<)

At the same time, I tend to distance myself from them. Not that I want to, I just see that my place and role is more that of the unseen spectator. My presence usually impedes conversation and activity. At the same time, my distance is creepy and annoying. But, I can’t just go away. I like being around them. (T_T)

It’s like catch-22 for me. (._.)

So, over the past month I’ve distanced myself again. The reaction this time has been a full blackout. They’ve all placed me on ignore in Gtalk. A few aren’t logging on when they know I’ll be on. Since I scrubbed them from my friends list as part of the process I don’t know when they’re on and they can’t find me. (._.)

Why did it turn out this way? I think I have an odd trust issue. When I don’t know people and they’re not blindly complimenting me, I feel like I can trust them to no end. But, as time goes by, I see people that stick around and I start to question their reasoning. Have they grown attached enough that they’ve become blind to my failings? Have I made it impossible for them to seek out other friendships? I begin to liken my relationship with people to that of a parasite. I wind up demanding too much attention from too few people. The only solution I see is: remove the infection. (>_<)

So, now, one or two of them ask when I’m willing to change and come back. I fear their reaching out to me is some sort of masochistic urge to re-enter the same old cycle again. I feel as though it’s not my place to interfere with their time inworld. But, catch-22 again, if I stay where I’m at they’re disrupted by my absence... If I return to friendship again they’re disrupted by my presence. But, like a mother, none of them will admit that I’m any kind of problem… Or at least they’re not telling it to my face. (T_T)

So, here I am, giving a handful of SL residents hell and no easy way out. I don’t see a positive outcome from any option I think I have. Should I go back, be a friend again, and restart the cycle? Should I maintain my limited distance which probably disrupts them just as much as my presence? Should I disappear completely and find new friends? Should I do something to seal a negative opinion of me so that they’re not bothered by my absence? Are they bothered by my absence at all? (>_<)

These are all nice people. I can’t assume they don’t have more friends. It would be very arrogant of me to assume that they depend on me for anything. At the same time, I like them. I don’t want to be alone but I also don’t want to be trouble. I don’t really have anything in common with them. At the same time, I’m interested in the things they do. I’m just too afraid to engage myself and generated fear in the others who are afraid of how I’ll react to every word they say. I can’t imagine them actually choosing to live with that. (T_T)

I want friends. But, it seems to me that I’m simply not meant to be around people. Should I accept the place I’ve been put in? Have I worn out my welcome? Is the mass-ignore pretty much the message I need to go away? Should I accept that I’ve gone too far? (._.)

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Okay... Now what? (._.)

I done did it. I got that Avatars United profile thing done. See? (^_^)


I have something like 130-or-so friends listed there... Some of them I actually know. (^_^)

I've shouted. (^_^)

I've joined groups. (^_^)

I've installed some gadgets. (^_^)

I've posted some pictures. (^_^)

I found out that search can only really find first names. (^_^)

... Now what? (O.o)