I have my own frigg'n site now! =^-^=

Come on over and check it out.  I found out how much a hosting plan + registering a URL cost and wondered why I haven't done it sooner. DX

Cuz, like, now I'm not really subject to a content TOS over there.  So, a lot of the stuff I had over in Avatars United will be moved in.  I'll set up a gallery soon. (^_^)

For now, the blog is up and running! =^-^=

http://www.darkly-cute.com/

When social phobias attack... (._.)

To start... This is a typical scene for me. (._.)



What you see here is me standing exactly 19 meters away from the furthest person in the conversation, as my Mystitool reads. I'm not "hiding". I'm not "spying". I just can't bring myself to get any closer. At least... Not without a direct invitation. And, if I do happen to get an invitation, what's going to stop me from having an anxiety attack which drives me to leave? (T_T)

I'm telling myself, "It's okay here". (._.)

I'm telling myself, "They're happy to be unaware of me." (._.)

I'm telling myself, "If I get any closer, I'll just cause trouble." (._.)

I'm afraid. (T_T)

What I'm afraid of most is that my friends have gotten used to this. They think this is where I'm happy too. Over time, they've stopped noticing me. Or, they've grown to glaze over me since nothing is ever going to get better. (._.)

I'm still in therapy. One more week. I still can't value myself enough to simply walk up to my own friends. I've been like this since I was a kid. I came to SL to escape from it. I did for a while. But, after a year and a half, my old phobias crept back in and followed me to my virtual life. (T_T)

How do I take control of this? (T_T)

How can I bring myself to just walk up to them? (T_T)

If I can't, what am I supposed to do with myself. (T_T)

This stinks all mighty and I want out. The hard part is that it's my own head. How do I get out of my own head? (T_T)

llSetFriggnImmy();

I'm getting very sick of what I've turned into lately. I'm pulling my hair out. My friends are pulling their hair out. Heck, even people who don't like me are trying to figure out what's going on.

I know what I want to do with myself. But, I lack the strength. I need something. A trigger? A catalyst? I don't know what.

I spent a lot of today on my drums (in RL) beating the crud out of them. My ears are shot for the rest of the day. I finally downloaded Cage The Elephant from Amazon and I've been listening to In One Ear over and over.

I'm trying to get the message.

I know my friends want me back. I want me back too.

How do I come back?

What direction do I go?

I need Need NEED to get out of this funk.

I'm frigg'n Immy!!!

I can be the biggest little crud on the grid if I just get my head together.

But, what's going to be the catalyst? How am I going to get my confidence back? Where did I go so wrong and how can I put that behind me?

Working on this.

Hating myself for killing the Emoticons. Finding delays when I backspace them out of chat.

Going to go say "Hi" to someone on my friends list now and see what comes of it. I'm rarely that bold.

Okay... Now what? (._.)

I done did it. I got that Avatars United profile thing done. See? (^_^)

http://www.avatarsunited.com/avatars/imnotgoing-sideways

I have something like 130-or-so friends listed there... Some of them I actually know. (^_^)

I've shouted. (^_^)

I've joined groups. (^_^)

I've installed some gadgets. (^_^)

I've posted some pictures. (^_^)

I found out that search can only really find first names. (^_^)

... Now what? (O.o)

Send this to every friend that you have online*

*if you don't mind being berated by half of them for spamming chain mail via notecards in SL. (=_=)

Yes, I'm starting to see these. The chain mail pandemic has gone from snail mail, to fax machines, to Email, to..... Yes.... SL!!!! DX

I'm getting notecards here and there from people with the same old - same old. [Insert sweet and sappy message here]... and send this out to 4, 7, 42 or your friends. (^_^)

I accept, the messages are sweet and inspirational, as they've always been. I'm sure the early chain letters keep the post office in business for quite a while. When they went to Email things got a bit too easy and the inherit logarithmic growth of a single message was practically enough to choke a server. Go to any Email admin and ask, "Hey, did you get that letter about the angels?" and run, run for your life. (^_^)

Now, they're in SL... In notecard form, no less. Hereby adding undue stress to the already overstressed asset cluster. They have the same potential for logarithmic growth, if not moreso due to the drag and drop ease that comes with inventory offers. Add to that, they contain a bit of emotional blackmail. (=_=)

Send this to every friend that you have on-line,
including the person who sent it to you.

0 Replies - you may need to work on your 'people skills'
2 Replies - you are nice but probably need to be more outgoing
4 Replies - you have picked your friends well!
6 Replies - you are downright popular
8 Replies or More - you are totally awesome
(and that's probably why you're on MY list)

Sorry... I'm not going to manage my "people skills" on the handling of a bulk message notecard. (=_=)

Send this to every friend that you have online*