Saturday, September 18, 2010

When social phobias attack... (._.)

To start... This is a typical scene for me. (._.)

A typical scene for me...

What you see here is me standing exactly 19 meters away from the furthest person in the conversation, as my Mystitool reads. I'm not "hiding". I'm not "spying". I just can't bring myself to get any closer. At least... Not without a direct invitation. And, if I do happen to get an invitation, what's going to stop me from having an anxiety attack which drives me to leave? (T_T)

I'm telling myself, "It's okay here". (._.)

I'm telling myself, "They're happy to be unaware of me." (._.)

I'm telling myself, "If I get any closer, I'll just cause trouble." (._.)

I'm afraid. (T_T)

What I'm afraid of most is that my friends have gotten used to this. They think this is where I'm happy too. Over time, they've stopped noticing me. Or, they've grown to glaze over me since nothing is ever going to get better. (._.)

I'm still in therapy. One more week. I still can't value myself enough to simply walk up to my own friends. I've been like this since I was a kid. I came to SL to escape from it. I did for a while. But, after a year and a half, my old phobias crept back in and followed me to my virtual life. (T_T)

How do I take control of this? (T_T)

How can I bring myself to just walk up to them? (T_T)

If I can't, what am I supposed to do with myself. (T_T)

This stinks all mighty and I want out. The hard part is that it's my own head. How do I get out of my own head? (T_T)


Brinda said...

I don't have an answer to your many qwestions.
I do gots a couple suggestions =^..^=

One is something I do...just walk up and stand just barely outside the ring of avies. What will happen is one or all will finish text.........and say, "Hi! Immy".

Second...Next time I see you on line...and I'm just standing in my yard answering IMs {or just vegatating} I'll send you a "HI!"...when I get in world ill send you the LM to telehub...TP in, stop and say hi for a min...

Asking qwestions is the only way to get answers!

Dale Innis said...

Hugs! At whatever distance is comfortable. :)

Ghosty said...

You know, it is OK to be this way. I didn't used to be that much different when I was younger.

You really need to improve the self-image, I think. You're a good person and not nearly the vessel of disaster you make yourself out to be. I think you've been listening to Prok for far too long. :)