Tuesday, September 15, 2009

In response to... (Redux)

I'm sure I'll get deleted... So...


Sorry, but, the claims you made about ME were and are lies. I see no evidence of the events as you tell them.

1) I was exploring the mall around an NCI site ALONE! I greeted you and complimented the place.

2) Your topic about anonymity interested me. I read the chatlog on your blog the next day. I really wish the rest of the crowd stayed on topic, as you yourself admitted, they didn't.

3) I was on NCI land and I had no idea you controlled it, no idea that you were going to have a discussion, and was helping some people I only chat casually with navigate the freebie wall.

Your own spin doesn't change those stories. Please; provide chat logs, screenshots, Mystitool radar updates, ANYTHING that supports your spin on the story.

Until then, to me, you're a liar.

And, if I'm still posting responses, it's not because I'm "getting around bans". I don't know how. You just haven't banned me correctly yet. So, don't perpetuate THAT lie eithjer. (=_=)y

Saturday, September 12, 2009

All good things...

I came to SL to develop the social life I never had. What actually happened was more of a revelation. It may well be that I don't have a social life for a very fathomable reason.

As indicated this past week, I have been very rough on one friend in particular. As a result, I've ruined things. Yesterday, in my usual stream of needless drama, I was faced with this:

"I ment all I said about friends and people seeing your good side... but you are indeed scaring me now... I cant take much more. sorry to say this but I wish to cut ties."

I have successfully ruined what I used to describe as my best friendship. It is a success I did not desire. A success that I can not celebrate.

All I can do is blame myself for failing to be a friend for a friend.

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Self inflicted exile

Out of all this drama over the whole NCI, Caledon, Prokofy, Liasblue... Thing... I've become quite ruined. I've expended more emotional energy than I had available to respond to all the lies about me. I've dealt with hate, slander, personal attacks, and attempts at character assassination. I refuted and rebutted the lies against me. I stood up for what I believe in. Now, I fall.

NCI survived the drama. The community has gone on, unchanging, with only some minor hiccups in operations and a separation from Caledon, as announced in a few outlets by both parties.

I, on the other hand, have become a monster.

Rinoa Rives is my friend... My best friend... And, my vocal supporter on the forums.

I was her friend. But, I have become a monster. I have exiled myself inworld and have made myself very unapproachable. I hide, in my basement build, only responding to IMs and group chats. What time I've spent outside has been usually hiding one sim away from Rin with my camera on her, raging upon myself for not being worth enough to give her company.

As a result, I dropped her from my friends list... Again. This isn't the first time I've done it. It may as well be the last. I've fallen so far, I don't even think I'm worth the effort to try and bounce back again. I'm out of control. The lies have gotten to me. The accusations have gotten to me. I'm in a pit.

And, what's my reaction? I get the one person who gave me the most vocal support and burn her. I get the one person on the whole grid who I care for the most, and I toss her out like trash. She dealt with a barrage of opposition in trying to support me. What reward does she get in the end? A barrage of abuse from me, who she was trying to support.

What's left of me? I have my place. I've been put in my place. I keep my place. I've put a chair there now as a reminder of where I deserve to be. I'll still address people in IMs and support and work for NCI. But, me? I'm already dead. I'm just not meant to be around people.

I ask for too much attention from too few people. As a result, my friends list is extremely short. Once you get to know me, you learn to hate me. I think it's the people that hate me are the ones that know me best.

So, I keep my place. It's safe here. As long as I don't move, nobody gets hurt.

This is a good thing.

Monday, September 7, 2009

Do I have a stalker?

I see this Lias/Ladyblue character... She tends to have this little habit. When ever something ever so slightly negative happens to me or around me, there she is. She tends to take the side of whatever is against me. As if I'm worthy of her persistent antagonism for some amazingly random reason.

I started a thread on multiple forums with two purposes. One: To reveal the truth behind the lies posted about me in other places. Two: Because I had a meeting with NCI and Caledon high-ups in regards to group affiliation that discomforted them. We all agreed that the questions to be answered were larger than any of us. I let them know I'd ask the community at large, and I did.

I wasn't sure what outlet to use. SL forums: I'd get a broad audience but wording would have to be carefully chosen as to not violate the TOS/CS. SLU forums: I'd pretty much be able to say what I want, but, I'd have to accept that the responses would come from a clique/crowd biased against my accuser. My blog: Up until now, who read my blog? No audience = no response. I wanted response, input, and advice.

Needless to say... The people that had the most stake in the argument were well aware of what my actions were going to be.

But, who comes into the picture? LiasBlue, Lias, Ladyblue, Blady... Whatever... Too many names to deal with. She's done this before. Tagging along on another un-controversy on the SL forums over kid avatars' presence on non-sexual parcels of Zindra (Adult) land. Attacking the child avatar targeted and pretty much behaving like a bully's chrony.

When I decided to contribute the dangers of false accusation, she found a way to spin my story into some sordid tale of exposing children to pornography. Using the most pretzel logic possible, she tried to "expose" me for being some sort of horrible person.

My story, based on fact:
  • I go to my favorite book store to buy books.
  • Kids are in the way because they're loitering.
  • One mother accuses me of looking at the kids and requests security remove me.
  • Mall security and store staff recognize me as a regular, know I'm just there for the books, in turn they remove the mother and her loitering kids.
The LiasBlue version:
  • I go to the mall to expose kids to hentai porn.
  • Mothers rally against me to protect their kids.
This is pretty persistent and becomes pages and pages of me saying she's twisted the details into some accusatory functional turn of phrase. I know I'm probably an idiot to respond to her. But, I simply can't stand to be lied about.

Now, here we are again. I started the thread, I got my responses, I asked for a thread lock knowing that no productive conversation could follow from that point on. The SL forums awarded me my lock, SLU did not. So, what results? Exactly what I expected. Counter productive commentary and a continuing stream of false accusations from LiasBlue.

In a peak of irony, LiasBlue agreed to a post including a Google seminar video about poisonous people in discussion groups.


What comes up about at about 11:30 in the video is the topic of one dissenter and how that poster responds to nearly every single post in the thread. "It's a technique of making it look like there's more dissension than there is." as quoted from the video. Looking at LiasBlue's patterns, she's shotgunned the thread with what appears on some pages as a checkerboard of her post, someone else, her post, someone else, her post, someone else... Ad-nauseum.

She seems to be out to reinvent the wheel here. Out to be the advocate of the devil's advocate. I'm not sure what pleasure she derives of this. I'm not sure what she has to gain. But, her favorite game seems to be finding someone who has something to lose, beating the dead horse over this person, and eventually patting herself on the back for "winning" whatever happened.

The fatal flaw is that nothing ever really happens. She's being laughed at, not laughed with. So why persist? I persist because I'm being lied about. I persist because I think this mis-information affects me and how I spend my time inworld. If I don't post corrections, what do I do?

Off in the background, I've been accused of "Not letting this stop". But, I ask, who is not letting it stop? I'm responding to lies. Personally, I'm going to leave it up to the liar to stop. I will not sit by idly and let the lies continue to spread. Using words like "propaganda" and "the pandering mob" doesn't make a lie more true.

So, do I have a stalker here? Should I put up with these lies? Is it my responsibility to "let this stop"? I need to know. At the moment, I can't think up the solution for myself.

Sunday, September 6, 2009

What's it like to be buried in a mountain of lies?

I don't know all sides of the story anymore. I only know my own. I'm glad to see that I haven't lost any friends at all from this insanity. I'm elated to see that I've actually gained friends in the process. None the less, this whole mess is a heavy load.

I did one thing: I stood my ground.

I didn't let outsiders tell me that the group I'm in is what they say it is.

I didn't allow people who simply don't know me lie about my intent and activities.

I responded. I stood my ground.

I'm here on my feet; facing a tank built upon bias, hate, and lies. I'm telling that tank I will not move. Now, I ask, how will I survive this?

To this day, I continue to volunteer.

To this day, I continue to teach.

To this day, I continue to Mentor.

To this day, I continue to find that my friends support me in my efforts.

Is that enough?

Shall I simply allow the lies and slander to float about around me on forums and blogs?

I fear that a lie, when told often enough, may become the truth to many. And that scares the hell out of me.

I did nothing more than stand up for what I believe to be right. I saw an injustice and fought against it. I can't describe the fight as "won" or "lost" because I don't believe I've genuinely seen the outcome yet. What I have seen is mixed results. I'm running out of ideas. I don't know what to do with the situation I'm in at the moment.

If anything... How do I stop this mess from getting to me?

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

NCI's policy on volunteer and staff group associations

NCI's current standing policy. Not in my own words:


It has been decided that NCI will continue its tradition of being inclusive and of dealing with individuals on a case-by-case basis. NCI is not the SL police department, nor do we have authority over the internet or real life. We have authority only on our land.

Membership in NCI's "official" ranks will be handled in the same way that we handle everything in what we do: case by case. Person by person. Groups are comprised of individuals. We will not carry a prejudice toward groups as a whole, we will deal person by person. This is how we help: person by person. One at a time evaluating their needs, and acting accordingly. This is how we hire: Person by person. One at a time, evaluating their strengths, weaknesses, character and behaviour. This is the way of NCI.

NCI hires from *within* the ranks. That means that you have to have been helping freely for some time before you are ever invited to become a helper by someone who has long experience in dealing with newbies and the many character types that come though our very public space. We watch, observe, listen, and learn. We assess their temperament, skills, communication style and overall attitudes and behaviour. If an individual is proposed as a potential helper by a current Land Officer, we consult, deliberate then finally make a decision en group.

One cannot apply to NCI for a position; people are invited, based on long experience and first hand observation of the individual. People who grief, simply don't make it to the ranks. Griefing is counter to NCI culture. An individual who has been observed, recorded or strongly evidenced to be a griefer will simply not be invited, regardless of what group zie may or may not belong to. This has the added advantage of weeding out bad apples regardless of the group they belong to.

It's long been NCI's policy and culture to deal with the individual, rather than by group. It's my understanding that the policy was stated as if an individual belong to a known griefer group they may not simultaneously occupy an official position at NCI. You may play and hang out with us, but not be a helper, LO or BoD. They either leave NCI or the other group. Some felt that was in conflict with dealing with people one by one, case by case, as well as being a less effective strategy for keeping our lands peaceful and our membership secure. Some of our officers/helpers/regulars also associate with some Woodbury members. This brought it from a theoretical issue, to a practical one.