Catch-22?

I'm trying to make an appointment for a psychological evaluation. (._.)

I forgot my HMO account password. (._.)

The web site won't Email me a update link. (._.)

It's telling me I have to call in by phone and request a new password to be sent by mail. (._.)

I currently can't use a telephone without having some sort of anxiety attack. (._.)

Why do they think I'm trying to make an appointment for a psychological evaluation? (T_T)

How often do you say "My avatar"? (O.o)

It just kind of sprung on me right now. I left a post earlier today where I said "I don't have any eyes". The fact of the matter is that 'my avatar' doesn't have any eyes. But, unthinkingly, I speak as though it's myself. (O.o)

Now, I've made it pretty clear that I totally identify as "Immy" with my often repeated statement: Immy is my me that's more "me" than I can ever be. But, I'm just having a major "woah!" moment in referring to my virtual "me" as "I". (o.O)

So, a question: Have you ever had that "woah!" moment? When referring to your avatar, is it "I, me, my"? Or, is it "my avatar"? (^_^)

Or, should I lay off the glue for a while? (^_^)y

To distract myself... (._.) ... A little story. (^_^)

Email has a "Reply To All" button. It's good because there are times when an Email discussion needs to continue to involve all parties, it's a single click away. (^_^)

But, when a company-wide announcement comes out, Reply To All is the Satan's spawn of Email servers world wide. (>_<)

Of course, now people know to include in company-wide announcements, "Please don't reply to all" in order to spare everyone the spamming of little "congratulations" when the CEO's nephew gets promoted to Senior Director of Scratching His Butt In A Cushy Office. (^_^)

But, of course, not everyone reads and follows such requests. Thusly, the company continues to be spammed. "Congratulations!!!" =^-^=

Then there's the hero... The one who replies asking that people stop using Reply To All... Of course, in a Reply To All message. (=_=)

But, we're not finished yet. There's still that last person to reply to our glorious Reply To All saviour by sending a message saying "THANK YOU!!!!".... In a Reply To All message. (O,o)

Will we ever survive the Martian onslaught? (^_^)y

Now I see...

This has nothing to do with money.

I just bought an organ that cost as much as a car.

I can afford it, so, nothing changed.

But, now, I'm being begged to go to church.

Now I know what to do with myself.

This has nothing to do with money.

Where I am

I have been married for nearly 12 years. I have been an introvert for far longer.

Within the first two years of my marriage, I had to quit the band I was playing bass in, quit my job with the guitar shop, give up any frequent visits with the two people I still considered friends since leaving high school, convert to Catholicism and get baptized, and generally relegate my life to things that allow me to be 'in touch' at all times.

My only escape was work.

My only retreat was business trips.

I went on a trip to China last week. But, something different happened this time. I made a friend. A very smart, attractive, and nice friend. A friend who wound up deeply disappointed to discover that I was married. A friend, none the less. We're still chatting on Skype... Time zones allowing.

With that, I think I've discovered the difference between being alone and being lonely.

I'm not free yet. But, I am making changes. Eventually, the life I'm living must come to an end somehow. I want to escape. I need to escape. I not only have my own wall to break down, but, there's an additional barrier put up by my spouse which is the real nightmare.

I still don't know exactly what to do. I've had many friends and co-workers tell me "just get out". But, it's easier said than done. Though, last week's events have helped my confidence. I think I have the energy to free myself. I just need to know what to do and how to do it.

I've been in the cage so long. Even if someone were to open the door for me, I'm afraid I've lost awareness enough to actually step out. What is the move to make? What are the words to use?

I'm working on it.