Sunday, August 8, 2010

Now I see...

This has nothing to do with money.

I just bought an organ that cost as much as a car.

I can afford it, so, nothing changed.

But, now, I'm being begged to go to church.

Now I know what to do with myself.

This has nothing to do with money.


eloralunasea said...

Basically, it sounds as if you are you being asked to repent for having bought the organ. If so, I sincerely hope that you decline. IMHO, of course.

Imnotgoing Sideways said...

I'm not going. That's a given.

I was going to take off my ring and drop it in their hand. I just didn't have the strength for such a confrontation.

They're going to church now.

I failed.

Kitsy said...

*head-tilts* failed? failed at being confrontational when you're not ready? such skirmishes often fail and drain your reserves.

eloralunasea said...

That wasn't failing Immy. Frankly it just sounds like you made a stand and that's one small one of many that may come. Like I mentioned to you - sometimes it this comes in small steps for some people. Jumping out, isn't easy for most people. Don't sweat this to hard. You made the right decision for yourself, and should be very proud that you stood up for what you believe in, and were ultimately looking to your future goals of separating yourself from values which don't work for you any longer (or, never did). I think you did great - don't second guess yourself to much! Go play music!

Imnotgoing Sideways said...

Now I know what to do.

It's religion or me.

I've given up my beliefs and life for the past decade to maintain a "happy" marriage.

If they can't return the favor, I won't let it be my problem.

Brinda said...

Sweety...You didn't fail.
The middle path is always best...

There is the thing about love and hate being just opposite ends of the same spectrum.
How about those we love/hate/dislike... and those we just no longer care?

"What the caterpillar calls the end of the world... The butterfly sees as a miracle"

Ghosty said...

There is nothing wrong with religion. You need to re-focus on YOUR religion, and it sounds like you're taking steps to get it back. I'm behind you 100%.

Imnotgoing Sideways said...

So, here I am, caving in to tears again and letting the whole mess start over under a "promise" that it'll never happen again.

I'm weak.

Kitsy said...

failed? weak?

why do you look for negative feelings? stop it. they only bind and drag you further into darkness. stop it. you don't want to be in that darkness. it soon becomes blackness that's almost impossible to escape. stop it.


Brinda said...

It's not fair to yourself to make promises you can't keep hun

Alec Windlow said...

Go to church and play THEIR organ.

Everybody wins.

Jim said...

Religion is a *personal* belief. No one can dictate what you believe. Anyone who attempts to do so does not respect you as an individual.

My (former) church minister accidentally moved me to atheism one Christmas Eve when I could not believe the crap coming out during the sermon, looked around and saw people nodding heads. Sheep. Now I know why it's called a "flock". They have eyes but cannot see; they are all blind. Don't let the stoopid ones drag you down to their level. Believe what you want to believe, because you want to. Whatever that is... or isn't.